Loglines

I have to write a query letter to hopefully get my scripts read.  My plan is to send it to some agents or producers, if I can find potential people to send it to.  But it has to be written first!

On a query letter, you're supposed to give a brief description of the script, a little about yourself, and that's it.  I wrote one two years ago that I was pretty proud of, with loglines for three of my scripts.  Sent it to some people.  Heard nothing.  Didn't faze me, really.  Expected.

Now I just finished my latest spec script.  In order to get a job in TV writing, you have to write a script (for free, and really that no one will ever see) of an existing show.  I chose Castle.  So I'm back to query letter writing.

The first step is to write loglines.  I loaded up my old letter and re-read my loglines.  I worked for hours on those, over two days.  It seems silly, right?  Why would it take someone who has written over a thousand of pages of material so long to write one paragraph.  It's because they have to be concise, have to carry the plot, direction and tone of the script, and, theoretically, be interesting enough to get a potential reader to ask to read the script.

What I found, however, was that those old loglines were terrible!  Now, hold on, Self.  They're not terrible, but they're not really loglines.  That's the problem.  They're way too long.  So today (I'm home with a sick two-year-old) I've rewritten them down as well as I can.  Thought I'd share the results.

Below is the old log line I labored over, and then the new, re-written (and much stronger) version.  It's a nice example of how exacting the process of writing is, for those that haven't done it. 

Possession Falls (old) –
After a string of violent murders at Sweet Creek Falls, three former friends are compelled to return to the site they visited twenty years before. Though the memory of their childhood visit is shadowed by time and doubt, Chris’s manic insistence that a demon lives in the water makes Luke demand evidence and causes James to question the reality of his faith. Unsure of what they are chasing, but unable to deny the haunting pull of their connection to each other and to the falls, the men head back to discover who, or what, is behind the murders.

Possession Falls –
After a string of violent murders at Sweet Creek Falls, three former friends are haunted by their forgotten connection to the site and they return to discover who, or what, is behind the murders.

Mars 2027 (old) –
Four friends in their late 20s face the inevitable reality of growing apart into independent men. Adam, clinging to his adolescent dreams, unites everyone to make one last movie, Mars 2027. Unfortunately, his shooting schedule coincides with John’s wedding plans. As the wedding approaches, Adam’s demands put the wedding, the movie, and their collective friendship at risk.

Mars 2027 – Four friends in their late 20s produce their final low-budget movie as one of their ranks prepares for his wedding, but the scheduling demands put the movie, the marriage, and their collective friendship at risk.

Stalker (old) –
 The prestigious Allen Journalism School at the University of Oregon welcomes a new crop of freshman J-majors. For Jill Green, college is exciting, full of new freedoms, opportunities, and friendships. But her true education begins when a jogger is found dead on campus, the first in a series of tragic “accidents.” When Jill is assigned to investigate, she discovers a twisted path of secret obsession – with herself as the ultimate prize.

Stalker –
When a freshman journalism student investigates a dead jogger on campus, she discovers a series of tragic “accidents” on a twisted path of secret obsession – with herself as the ultimate prize.

And - for my Castle script:

Castle - “Fears of a Clown”
A popular clown is found dead, prompting the team to face rational and irrational fears as the investigation leads to one detective’s worst nightmare – a clown convention.

I really love language - using words like "haunted" or action verbs like "investigates" (rather than "is assigned to investigate" ewwww!) carries so much power.  And of course, brevity is the soul of wit.

Next step is writing my personal description in as concise, yet just as "selling," version.  Thanks for reading.